


The secrets he kept

by ArrowDelany1



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Depressed Spencer Reid, Depression, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid Friendship, Major Depression, Parent David Rossi, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective David Rossi, Protective Derek Morgan, Protective Emily Prentiss, Sad Spencer Reid, Self Harm, Spencer Reid Angst, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Spencer Reid Whump, Worried Penelope Garcia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowDelany1/pseuds/ArrowDelany1
Summary: Spencer Reid has always been seen as the vulnerable one in the BAU. He's not only the youngest but he's been through more trauma than he cares to admit. His team are aware of his mothers condition, his absent father, his struggles with addiction, and the constant bullying he received as a child. But what his team weren't aware of was how much Spencer truly struggled. Not until one night when Spencer finds himself in a position where he needs to open up and get help.TRIGGER WARNING:DepressionSelf harmSuicidal thoughts and attemptSexual assaultdrug abuse
Comments: 15
Kudos: 79
Collections: Spencer Reid





	1. 1. The phone call

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm, Depression  
> Please read with caution, this is an AU where Spencer struggles with clinical depression

It was 11pm when Spencer called his boss Aaron Hotchner. Hotch wasn't doing anything, his son Jack was at a scout camp for the week and Hotch was single so there wasn't anyone with him. He was in fact doing some paper work, so that he wouldn't have to do it at work tomorrow.

"Aaron Hotchner speaking"

_"H-Hotch, it's S-Spencer"_

"Spencer? Are you ok? You sound off?"

_"A-Are you busy?"_

"Not really why?"

Spencer didn't reply straight away, but Hotch could hear him sobbing over the phone.

"Spencer what's happened? talk to me" 

_"C-Could you come over?"_

"I can, will you tell me what's up then?"

_"Mhm, I-I just n-need s-someone and I-I know you will understand... Hotch I did something stupid and all my hard work is ruined and now I have to go from the start and I don't think I can, I-I-"_

"Reid I'm on my way, don't move" 

_"O-Ok"_

The line disconnected, Hotch grabbed his coat and keys and ran out his apartment. He thought Spencer had relapsed on his drug addiction, it was a fair presumption considering he did say ' _did something stupid and all my hard work is ruined and now I have to go from the start'_

When Hotch arrived at Spencers apartment he knocked on the door but Spencer didn't answer, he was about to knock again when he received a text 

**Spencer:** _Key under the doormat_

Hotch found the spare key and let himself in. Spencer's apartment was a mess, which was unlike him, usually it was spotless but today books were spread out all over the place. 

"Reid?" Hotch called out, he heard quiet sobs coming from the bedroom and so he went in to investigate. Lying curled up on the bed was Spencer, Hotch rushed over to him and placed a hand on Spencers back.   
"Spencer what happened?" 

"I-I did something stupid" Spencer mumbled 

"What did you do?" Hotch asked, trying to get the young genius to look at him. 

"B-Before I tell you, you have to promise n-not t-to j-judge m-me, a-and n-not to b-be a-angry a-at me for n-not t-telling you" 

"I promise" Hotch said softly. Spencer took a deep breath and uncurled his arm from his chest. Hotch was expecting to see puncture wounds from a needle, but there wasn't any, instead Spencers arms were decorated with cuts. Some small, some big, some were like scratches and some were deep, almost dangerously deep. Hotch closed his eyes for a second, a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.   
"You did this to your self?" 

"I'm s-sorry" Spencer curled his arms back into his chest

"Tell me what happened?" Hotch told him softly. 

"I-I s-started d-doing i-it when I was t-ten a-after my dad left a-and I didn't s-stop until I was 17. I-I uh I went to a therapist who diagnosed me with c-clinical depression, and they put me on medication, and I went to therapy sessions a-a lot, and after that I-I got better. A-And with the medication I still g-got low b-but I c-could m-manage i-it. Y-You know I c-could still d-do my job, i-if I had a b-bad day I was just distant or a bit i-irritable but I-I got a n-new therapist when I moved to DC a-and a couple of weeks ago, h-he suggested I g-go off my meds, a-and see if I can m-manage without m-medication, b-but I c-can't a-and s-so I c-called my therapist b-but he said h-he won't p-prescribe m-me my medication un-until h-he knows I-I'm trying b-but I- I am b-but I can't and now I'm stuck in this d-dark p-place a-and I- I needed to- to. I- I just- I needed" Spencer began hyperventilating towards the end of his explanation to Hotch. 

"Reid it's ok, it's ok, I'm here, and I'm not angry. I have to ask though, why wasn't your diagnosis in your file?" Hotch asked 

"I-I know it's i-illegal but I g-got s-someone t-to hack m-my file and remove it" Spencer explained "I-I would have t-told you, b-but I j-just wanted to be in the BAU and I knew th-that you wouldn't want me if-if I had that d-diagnosis" 

"Spencer you don't know that" Hotch argued

"Hotch I was a 22 year old genius, with an absent father, a schizophrenic mother, an inability to pass any of the ph-physical evaluations, and an inability to talk to people with out being a stupid awkward idiot!" Spencer began tugging on his hair, Hotch had to pull his hands away to stop him.   
"I-I don't want t-to l-lose m-my j-job but I c-can't d-do th-this a-alone, b-because if I t-try I'll p-probably end u-up ki-" Spencer paused

"Reid you won't lose your job, I'll help you through this, if you give me permission the whole team will help you" 

"Hotch I'm scared" Spencers voice broke and he began to cry, Hotch sat down next to Spencer and held the young geniuses trembling body.

Hotch stayed with Spencer all night, he helped him get to sleep, then he fell asleep on the arm chair next to the bed. To say that Hotch was shocked by the information Spencer had revealed to him would be an understatement. Hotch had a feeling Spencer had depression, it wasn't uncommon but he never knew how severe it truly was. He had noticed the days where Spencer seemed off, he had profiled that Spencer was having a bad day but he never even thought about the fact that Spencer might have been battling the urges to harm himself when he was in pain. In a way this information made Hotch even more proud of Spencer, some how spencer was able to battle addiction and the urge to self harm. 

The next morning, Spencer felt even worse than he did the day before. He woke up to Hotch shaking him gently.  
"Reid, I want to tell the team, the information you told me, would it be ok if I invited them here?" Hotch asked 

"It's ok" Spencer whispered 

"You can stay in here if you want to" 

"Ok" Spencer mumbled. Hotch nodded and walked out the room. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to the team group chat. 

**Hotch:** _I need everyone to meet me at Reids, as soon as possible. 937 Hoover Street, apartment 23  
_**Derek:** _Why Reids? Is he ok?  
_**Hotch:** _I'll explain when you get here  
_**Rossi:** _I'm on my way_ **  
****Emily:** _Same here, I'll be there in 10 minutes_ **  
JJ:** _I'm close_ **  
Penelope:** _OMW_

Once the entire team were at Spencers they looked around the messy apartment, confused of why Spencer was also not with them.   
"Where's the kid?" Rossi asked 

"He's in the bedroom. I called you all here, because Spencer called me last night. He sounded extremely distressed and asked me to come over. He said he had done something, and all his hard work was ruined, initially I thought he meant he had relapsed on drugs but he hadn't... When I got here Spencer showed me his... his arms, Spencer arms are covered in self harm wounds..." Hotch continued to tell the team everything that the kid had told him. Once he was done everyone was silent, Penelope had tears rolling down her cheeks. 

"Why wouldn't he tell us?" Penelope asked breaking the silence.

"It's not something he found easy to talk about. Right now Spencer's in a really dark place, I'm going to call his therapist to get his medication re-prescribed, but even once he gets it back it won't work straight away. Currently Spencer is suffering a major depressive episode, and I do not think he should be left alone"

"He can stay with me" Rossi replied almost immediately  
"I've got more than enough space, and I would be more than happy to look after him" 

"I want to help to" Penelope exclaimed 

"Me too" Derek added, so did Emily and JJ, in fact the whole team agreed to help him. 

"Ok good, then I'll go talk to him and we'll get some stuff together" Hotch disappeared off back into the bedroom, where Reid was once again curled up in the foetal position

"Reid, Rossi wants you to stay with him so that he can keep an eye on you, is that ok?" Hotch asked, Reid shrugged  
"Do you mind if the team come in to help pack some of your stuff for you. You don't have to talk or move." Reid once again shrugged  
"Ok I'll bring them in"

Hotch popped his head round the door and motioned for the team to come in. He put his finger on his lips to tell them not to speak.   
"Pack any of Reids clothes and anything he might want to bring to Rossis" Hotch told them. 

The team worked around Spencer, glancing over at him every so often. It was heart breaking to see him like that. He looked so thin, thinner than usual, he didn't talk or ramble about facts like he usually did, he didn't smile or laugh, he just lay there with his eyes closed curled up...


	2. 2. Not ok.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team try to help Spencer, only to realise how serious his illness truly is. They see a side to Spencer they had never seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, Self Harm, Low self-esteem, mention of past drug addiction.

The team packed up some of Spencers stuff and loaded it into Rossis car, Hotch knelt down in front of Spencer and shook him gently.  
"Reid we're ready, you can stay in your pyjamas if you want or you can get changed, whatever is easiest for you" Hotch spoke softly and gently, Spencer pyjamas consisted of sweat pants and a T-shirt so it wasn't a strange outfit to leave the house in. The only problem was that Spencer didn't want to move, he couldn't, he was too exhausted, what didn't help was the fact that Spencer hadn't eaten in days and was feeling weak.  
"Reid?"

"I'll uh... stay in these clothes" Spencer mumbled. As he attempted to sit up, his arms were shaky and as he pushed his body up his arms almost buckled. Hotch held onto him and helped him up, and Derek came to the other side of him to keep him steady. The first thing Hotch noticed when Spencer removed the covers off him was that his arms were covered in blood, they weren't like that before and it was likely that Spencer had scratch and re-opened his wounds.

"Penelope could you bring the first aid kit" Hotch asked her, Penelope nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. The second thing Hotch noticed was how thin and light Spencer seemed. Spencer had already been very thin but now he seemed even thinner.

The two men walked him out the apartment, down the stairs and into Rossi's car. Derek got a taxi to Spencers and so he got in the car next to Spencer. While they drove along, Derek cleaned Spencers arms, and wrapped them up in gauze. Spencer didn't talk the whole journey, not that anyone was expecting him to but the silence was heart breaking. Spencer dissociated himself from his surroundings, he decided to get lost in his own head to escape the reality of his life.

"id?, kid?" Spencer zones back in and looks up at Derek who was now outside the car.  
"We're here" Derek announces trying hard to not sound bothered by seeing Spencer in such a terrible state.

The first thing Spencer realised then he got out the car was how cold he was, he began to shiver which just added to his exhaustion. They slowly made their way towards the front while the rest of the team were parking up. Spencer felt a wave of vertigo hit him, his legs buckled and he began to collapse, Derek grabbed the young genius before he hit the ground. Spencer tiredly leaned into Derek, and Rossi rushed to the other side of him.

"Kid you ok?" Derek asked, Spencer closed his eyes, and continued to lean into Derek, in that moment he decided he was too tired to walk.

"Let's get you inside kid" Rossi whispered, Spencer shook his exhaustedly

"To... tired" Spencer breathed out. Rossi and Derek looked at each other there faces plastered with concern.

"I'm sorry for this kid" Derek said as he picked up Spencer, and carried him into the house. Derek put him down on Rossis couch. Spencer curled up and buried his head in the cushion. Derek left the room and went to talk to everyone else who had all just arrived.

"Something's not right. I know he's severely depressed, I get that but he almost lost consciousness back there. Also considering he's the tallest one out of all of us, he weighs nothing. What if he's not eating, I mean he looks skinnier"

"Undereating can be a symptom of depression, Spencer's already got a fast metabolism, along with a lack of food, he could lose weight extremely fast" Hotch stated.

"I'll go make him something" Rossi replied as he disappeared off into the kitchen.

"Hotch what do we do?" Penelope asked  
"It's just I don't know how to treat him or act around him"

"Treat him like normal, he won't want to be treated different, just make him feel loved" Hotch told her as he walked into the lounge. Spencer was curled up on the couch shivering  
"Reid are you cold?" Hotch asked, Spencer didn't reply he had fallen asleep, Derek found Rossis blankets and comforters under the coffee table. Then put them over Reid to warm him up. Spencer stirred and woke up with a start, he was disorientated at first but them he realised his surroundings.  
"Reid are you ok?"

"Sorry, I-uh- I thought I- I'm sorry" Spencer mumbled

"There's nothing to apologise for" Hotch assured him. Rossi came wandering in with some tomato soup. 

"Here you go kid" Rossi put it on the bowl on the coffee table. 

"I'm not hungry" Spencer murmured

"Kid you've got to eat, when was the last time you ate?" Rossi asked, Spencer furrowed his brow as he tried to remember but his brain was all fuzzy.   
"Exactly now eat"

Spencer sat up and tried to pick up the spoon. His hands were shaking so much he couldn't hold the spoon still. 

"Do you need some help?" Hotch asked 

"I don't need to be babied" Reid snapped "Sorry" He whispered "I just want to sleep" 

"I know, but you also need to eat" Hotch explained 

"I'll get a straw it might be easier" Rossi said as he disappeared off into the kitchen. He came back a second later with a think metal straw and gave it to Spencer. The young genius found it easier to drink through a straw. To avoid the awkwardness Penelope put on Dr Who so that no everyone was staring at Spencer while he ate, he was grateful because he was beginning to feel very uncomfortable.

Once Spencer was done, he lay back down and stared at the TV, but he didn't watch what was going on, he was thinking. He was thinking about all the secrets that he kept from the team, from his family. He thought about how sooner or later they would come out, and how he would feel if anyone found them out.


	3. 3. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch calls Spencers therapist to get his prescription re-filled but when he comes up with nothing he calls Spencers old therapist from Vegas only to find out a secret Spencer had been keeping from the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm (Graphic), mention of passed suicide attempt, mention of past drug use and alcohol abuse and also alcohol abuse.

It had been 3 days since Spencer had temporarily moved into Rossis mansion. The three days weren't exactly easy, Spencer didn't move much, he stayed in bed, only really getting up when he needed to use the bathroom. He didn't talk much either, Rossi was using his vacation time to look after the young genius, which made Spencer feel guilty about and at this point Spencer just wanted to get away from everyone. He didn't want to be a trouble to anyone, he didn't want the team to feel like they needed to help him.

The constant pain of depression built up a lot of tension in Spencer and all he wanted to do was relieve it. He kept scratching his arms and removing the scabs from his previous cuts in the hope the pain was enough, but it never was. He needed to cut deep, he needed to feel the immense pain to make this horrible indescribable, sickening, horrific feeling go away and he tried desperately to find something that was sharp enough to give him that relief but there wasn't anything Spencer could take without Rossi noticing. All the sharp objects were in the kitchen, and most of the time spencer didn't have to energy to go get them or Rossi was always in there. It was maddening! The team were all extremely worried about Spencer, they had gone back to work but Hotch would call Rossi frequently for updates, and Rossi would always give him the same answer. " _He hasn't moved Aaron, he barely eats, I don't know if he sleeps, he just lays there. Sometimes with his eyes closed. When I talk to him he gives me one word answers, he's not ok. He's reopened his cuts 5 times now, and at night I can hear him crying but he never tells me what's wrong. I don't know if I'm helping him or making it worse!"_

Hotch decided to try get in contact with Spencers therapist, there had to be a reason why he would re-fill Spencers prescription.   
" _Hi this is Dr Clayton, how may I help you today?"_

"Hello Dr Clayton, my name is Aaron Hotchner, I'm the boss of one of your clients"

_"Which one?"_

"Dr Spencer Reid"

_"I see, and is everything ok?"_

"No it isn't. Dr Reid called me 4 nights ago in an extreme amount of distress. When I went to see him, he had been self harming, and he explained to me that you're refusing to re-fill his prescription"

_"Myself and Dr Reid discussed that we thought it best if he tries to see if he can cope off his medication"_

"Well clearly he can't, so could you re-fill it" 

_"This kind of reaction is ok, Spencer has been on medication for 11 years, I'm sure what he's going through is withdrawal. When someone is withdrawing from anti-depressants, they can go through a depressive period"_

"But this is more than that, Spencer is barely moving! In the 6 years that I have known him I have never seen him like this, not even after he was kidnapped and tortured for 3 days! So I think this is much more than just withdrawal! So I am asking you to re-fill his medication!"

_"Mr Hotchner, firstly I think I know my client better than you, I mean am I right in saying you were fully aware of his drug addiction yet you failed to do anything about it?! Secondly if Dr Reid wants my assistance than he can call me, and in fact I am not at liberty to tell you any of this! I can not discuss anymore details about my client with you!"_

"Then you've lost Dr Reid because you are clearly not a good therapist!" 

And with that Hotch hung up, then buried his face in his palms.  
"Hotch is everything ok?" Derek asked as he entered Hotch's office 

"I just spoke to Reids therapist, for some stupid reason he's not re-filling Spencers prescription. He's an dick!" 

"Really that bad huh?" 

"Yep, I just don't know what to do, Spencer seems to be getting worse, I don't want to institutionalise him because I know that is not what Spencer wants. He called me so that I could help but I don't know how" 

"He had a therapist in California right? Like he said he got help when he was 17, meaning he was at Caltech" Derek asked 

"I-I think so, I mean he must of, that's where he was diagnosed" Hotch furrowed his brows at Derek "Why do you ask?" 

"Well it's just, we don't really know the full extent of Spencers diagnosis, we have no idea how bad it could be, and we need to find out, now we could get Penelope to dig into his files but I have a feeling Spencer got someone to delete that part so our next idea is his previous therapist, they might be able to help us understand Spencer" Derek suggested. "And I'm sure Penelope can find out who they are. I mean just because his file doesn't contain his diagnosis doesn't mean it won't contain his therapists name, I mean that's not a secret right?" 

"It's worth a try, let's hope this guy isn't an ass like the last one or Spencer's going to need to change his taste in therapists." Hotch stated. 

Derek was of course right, Penelope was able to find Spencer therapist from California in a matter of minutes, he was retired now but there was a number to contact him with and Hotch tried his luck.

"Hello? Is this Dr Marks?" 

_"Uh- Yes, how may I help you?"_

"I'm Agent Aaron Hotchner from the BAU. One of my agents Dr Spencer Reid, has been taken ill- mentally. And I was made aware that you were his therapist when he was 17 to when he was 20, so that would have been from 1998 to 2001, do you remember him?" 

_"Of course I do, Spencer was a wonderful client. He had an amazing brain, I was always amazed by it. Sorry you said he was taken ill-mentally what did you mean?"_

"I got a distressing call from Spencer 4 nights ago, when I went to see him I found out he had been self harming, and it was the first time he had self harmed in 12 years, when I asked what happened he explained the diagnosis you had given him when he was 17, and he explained how he was on medication, and- well you see, his current therapist wants to see if Spencer can continue without medication, and so he won't re-fill Spencers medication, but Spencer has fallen into a major depressive episode, I mean I never seen one like it and his therapist refuses to re-fill his meds" 

_"I'm afraid there isn't much I can do, only Spencers current therapist can handle Spencers medication"_

"I'm aware, I just need to understand Spencers condition more so that I can help him"

_"Well what I can say is that what Spencers therapist is doing is not uncommon, but what he's doing wrong is not allowing Spencer to re-fill his meds. I understand trying to continue without medication but if you say Spencer is in a bad place then his therapist has a duty to do what he can to help Spencer, and if he refuses then I suggest Spencer find a new therapist."_

"I know, but right now I need to know about Spencer" 

_"I'm not really allowed to discuss this with you"_

"I understand but I am concerned that if I don't help Spencer properly then I'm going to lose him"

_"I see. Ok, well. Spencer came to me when he was 17 after his suicide attempt"_

"Suicide attempt?" 

_"I'm sorry were you not aware?"_

"N-no I was, c-continue" That was a lie, but Hotch didn't want the therapist to feel guilty. 

_"As I was saying, at first he didn't tell me about his attempt, he just said that he got a little crazy at a party, but when I learnt more about Spencer I came to realise that he was not the type of boy to go to parties and take drugs and drink excessive amounts and so after sometime he finally told me that it was an attempt. I have a feeling something triggered Spencer to try and take his life but when I asked he refused to tell me. Spencer doesn't like to be patronised and babied, he has never been treated like that by his parents and so it feels much weirder to him. He has many self esteem issues probably due to the extreme bullying that he received growing up. But one of the biggest problem Spencer suffers with is... Loneliness. It's not just physical, and when I say that I mean it's not just about the amount of friends and family Spencer had or has, but it also is psychological, and when I say that I mean Spencer feels disconnected and alone, because he is different, his mind is different from most peoples, he feels people don't understand him and that no one ever will. He believes that no one wants to understand him... The way I got Spencer to open up and helped him with his problem was to try and understand him. I asked him to help me to understand his brain and after some time, it stuck and we began to make progress, so that's what I think you should do, tell him you want to understand, and hopefully he'll speak... Obviously I might be incorrect, I haven't seen Spencer since 2001 and I'm sure he has seen a lot, and changed a lot, but I find with most people, in the end they always come back to the same problem."_

"Thank you, you have no idea how much this has helped"

_"No problem. Oh and Mr Hotchner?"_

"Yes?" 

_"Look after him. Life hasn't been kind to that boy, but he deserves to have people who care about him, I can tell that you do"_

"I do and I will. Thank you"

Hotch hung up and took a deep breath then called the rest of the team into the conference room. 

"How did the phone call go?" Derek asked as he sat down at the round table. 

"Well he's not an ass like Spencers current therapist" Hotch said.  
"He told me that when he was seeing Spencer, he found that Spencer felt misunderstood because he was different, he felt like no one understood him and he felt lost. He also felt like no one wanted to understand him and so Dr Marks suggested that when we talk to Spencer we let him know that we want to understand" 

"That's good right?" JJ asked   
"It means we know how to get through to him?"

"Hopefully but it might not work"

"That's not all is it? I can see that look in your eyes Hotch" Emily pointed out 

"Well uh- Spencer started going to a therapist after- after a suicide attempt, apparently in his medical records it's not noted down as an attempt because Spencer made some excuse but apparently that's why Spencer went to get help" Hotch explained. Immediately Penelope pulled out her laptop

"You said he was 17 right?" Penelope asked 

"Mhm" 

"Let's see, 1998, and... Here we are, Spencer was... Hold on this doesn't sound like Spencer, especially 17 year old Spencer" Penelope stated to herself out loud

"Just tell us how he attempted" Hotch commanded 

"Oh right sorry, it says here Spencer went to a party took 7 MDMA pills, and drank an entire 1 Litre bottle of vodka. He was found seizing on the front lawn of the house that the party was taking place at, seizing and choking on his own vomit. He was rushed into hospital, they pumped his stomach, when they asked if it was an attempt he denied it said that he accidentally 'partied too hard'... I mean come on that doesn't sound that Spencer"

"No it does not" JJ stated  
"I feel like we need to talk to him about this, it feels wrong snooping, I think we need to let Spencer tell us" 

"You're right I'll call Rossi, and say we're all coming over"

Hotch left the room and dialled Rossis number.

_"Hey Aaron, any luck with the therapist?"_

"Not really if I'm being honest but I called Spencer therapist in California, when he was at Caltech, who helped me out a little bit"

While Rossi was on the phone, Spencer slipped out of the bedroom and down into, at this point Spencer just wanted to cut as deep as possible. The tension building up in him made him want to scream but he didn't. He didn't want to attract Rossis attention, and screaming was never enough anyways. Spencer grabbed the sharpest knife and disappeared back upstairs, he went into the bathroom, sat down on the floor, removed the gauze from his arms and then he press the knife into his skin. Tears rolled down his cheeks, this was probably the deepest he had ever cut, and yet by some miracle he missed his radial and ulnar arteries. Despite this blood still flowed out. Spencer picked up the knife and made a lighter cut on his arm and then he did it again and again until he finally felt peaceful. Then he just lay there tiredly. 

Meanwhile Hotch finally finished explaining everything the therapist had told him to Rossi. 

_"You're right, taking that many pill and drinking that much vodka sounds more like a me thing to do when I was 17 not Spencer"_

"Rossi, this information means that now, i-if Spencer has attempted before he- he might attempt again" 

_"He's a suicide risk. This is not good, now I'm paranoid, I'm gonna go check on him"_

"Stay on the line"

Rossi wandered up stairs into Spencers bedroom, but he wasn't in there and so he checked Spencers bathroom. He didn't try open the door straight away just in case Spencer was 'busy' and so he knocked twice. 

"Reid are you in there?" No response  
"Spencer? I'm coming in. You better not be naked" 

Rossi turned the handle and opened the door. Lying on his side was Spencer, next to him a bloody knife. His arm was covered in blood. Rossi rushed forward and knelt down next to Spencer. Instinctively he immediately put pressure on the wound. 

"Spencer can you hear me?!"   
"Reid!" 

"It's not deep enough" Spencer whispered 

"What?!" Rossi asked 

"It's not deep enough, it's almost but the- the amount of blood suggests that it's not deep enough. I didn't cut through any arteries" Spencer replied as he stared at his bloody arm. 

"Did you want to cut deep enough?" Rossi asked softly

"I just- I just wanted a release, I just needed to" Spencer mumbled   
"You don't understand"

"No I don't but I want to. So let's get you cleaned up" Rossi said quietly, he completely forgot Hotch was on the phone until he heard him shout through the phone. 

_"Rossi?!"_

"Oh crap sorry Aaron"

_"Is everything ok? Do you need me to call an ambulance?"_

"I don't think so, I think I can fix him up here" 

_"Ok well we're on our way, we'll be there in half an hour"_

"You got it!" 

The line disconnected, and Rossi put the phone the ground. He pulled Spencer up into the sitting position and pushed him back to that he was sitting against the wall. He threw the knife in the sink, and pulled out the first aid kit from the cabinet. While he cleaned Spencers wounds he heard the young man, begin to quietly sob.

"Kid?" he whispered 

"I'm sorry" Spencer mumbled, "I-I'm sorry" 

"It's ok kid"

"N-No it's n-not, I-I'm a p-problem, I-I shouldn't b-be here" 

"Spencer stop. Don't say that. You're not a problem and you should be here. You need help and I'm happy to help" Rossi assured him, Spencer shook his head, brought his palm up to the side of his head and began hitting it.  
"Reid stop. Stop!" Rossi pulled Spencer hand down.   
"Spencer, it's ok, I promise, you're a profiler, read my face and tell me I'm lying"

Spencer did as he was told and read every single micro-expression, but he could see where Rossi was lying, it didn't make Spencer feel much better, Spencer sure why it didn't help it just didn't. When Spencer was cleaned up, Rossi took him downstairs to sit on the couch, he sat next to him and handed him a large glass of Scotch. 

Rossi expected Spencer to complain or take small sips of it, but to his surprise Spencer downed the whole glass barely even flinching out the taste or the burn. Rossi poured him another glass and once again Spencer downed it. Rossi was only giving him alcohol because he hoped it was calm him down a little bit, apparently Spencer was thinking the same hence why he was drinking it quickly, he hoped it would speed up the process. Considering Spencer hadn't eaten on that day, or drunk alcohol for a month, and he was super skinny, he didn't expect to drink much before he would feel the side effects kick him. Rossi gave Spencer three more large glasses of Scotch before deciding that, that was enough. Honestly Rossi didn't want to keep giving him alcohol, but every time he looked at the kid, all his brain kept saying was ' _damn, that kid needs a drink'_

The team arrived moments after Spencer downed his fifth glass. He backed himself into the corner of couch and brought his knees up to his chest, and rested his chin on top. Rossi left to let everyone in and give them a head up about certain things.

"How is he?" Hotch asked, Rossi made a face at him  
"What happened earlier?" 

"He- he got hold of a knife" Rossi began and Penelope and JJ gasped  
"And well he cut himself, it's pretty deep as well. When I found him he was just lying there looking at it, I thought the worst honest but then he said it wasn't deep enough to kill him. Which if I'm being honest isn't very reassuring, anyway, I cleaned him up, brought him down stairs, and I- uh might have given him too much to drink, I'm not sure yet, but as I know of the kid doesn't drink much anyways and 5 large glasses of scotch is probably a lot" 

"You got him drunk?!" Derek asked

"Maybe" Rossi replied   
"I don't know yet, just come and see him" 

The team followed him into the living room. To their surprise Spencer wasn't a passed out drooling mess on the couch, that's what they were expecting to see anyway.  
"Hey Reid how you feeling?" Hotch asked 

"Dizzy" Spencer told him as everyone sat down opposite him. Spencer wasn't slurring like crazy but he was slurring a bit. 

"Yeah that would be the scotch, sorry kid" Rossi said placing a cup of water in front of him. 

"Reid we uh- we would like to ask you some personal questions if that's ok? If you're not ready you don't have to" 

"Go ahead ask" Spencer said quietly 

"I- I wanted to" Hotch began. He wasn't sure how to ask the question, and so he took a deep breath and decided to be direct.  
"You never told us that you tried to commit suicide" 

"I failed" Spencer mentioned   
"I tried and I failed" 

"Something triggered it" Hotch pointed out

"Yeah the years of bullying, the absent father, the schizophrenic mothers and the inability to be normal"

"No, Reid, Dr Marks said it was something else, a specific event that pushed you over the edge. What happened?" Hotch asked

"No, I'm not- I can't" Spencer voice began to shake 

"Spence, you can tell us, we would never judge or look at you differently, or treat you differently" JJ assured him

"You say that but you will" Spencers voice broke

"Kid, what happened?" Derek asked, Spencer looked down and a tear rolled down his cheek. 

"I-I'll tell you b-but you can't interrupt, and... If I want to stop, I will and you can't make me speak again"

"Ok, take your time" Rossi said, Spencer nodded, took a deep breath and began.


	4. 4. The truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer tells the team a secret that he has only ever told one person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of past Sexual assault and rape, mention of suicide attempt, self harm.  
> MAJOR WARNING: This chapter explains in detail an event that happened in Spencers life (AU obviously). I by no means am trying to romanticise sexual assault or rape, this stuff happens to real people and I want to shine a light on the subject. Please be careful when you read!

"I was 16, and I was starting my... My PHD in engineering... I uh- The 2 months were fine and then j-just before I turned 17, m-my professor asked me to stay after class, and so I did" Spencer didn't look at the team while he talked  
"He asked me a bunch of question, he was excited that I could answer them... I mean this wasn't an uncommon thing, people often did this, it kinda made me feel like a dancing monkey, y'know?" Spencer took a deep breath before continuing  
"He let me ramble which was quite nice, b-but then he told me he had a book that I would like about engineering, and so h-he took me to the store room and I-I should have realised that it was weird but I was too naïve and... I don't know, I don't know why I didn't see the red flags, but I didn't" Spencers eyes glossed over  
"He locked the door behind him, and he-he pushed me up a-against the wall" Spencer began to sob as he spoke "And he... He kissed me, and I just stood there sh-shaking, I wanted to push him off me and say no b-but I-I couldn't... While he kissed me, h-he unbuckled my belt, and he undid my pants, and pulled them down, then my boxers and he turned me around to face the wall... And then he..." Spencer shut his eyes tightly trying desperately to stop the tears and the sobs from exploding out of him  
"And afterwards he told me, th-that he would g-get me k-kicked out i-if I even thought about telling anyone, and so I didn't. I was bleeding for 2 days after it... I k-kinda just decided then, I didn't wanna be in this world anymore" He wiped his eyes and inhaled deeply.  
"And so when my roommate asked if I wanted to go to a party, I thought why not, I never went to parties, and so it c-can be my first and last. At the party there were so many people selling drugs, and a lot of alcohol and I thought, I've never been drunk or done drugs, might as well go out having fun. So I brought 7 MDMA pill and I stole an entire bottle of vodka and I took all the pill, which taste disgusting by the way I almost gagged, and then I drunk the entire bottle of vodka, I then went into the front yard and waited. I don't remember much but I remember beginning to hallucinate, I- I saw my imaginary friend that I had as a kid, and then I woke up in hospital, m-my mom was there, she believed that it was an accident, so did the doctors and so they let me go. It was my roommate who knew it wasn't an accident.

_**Flashback:** _

_Rebecca put Spencers bag on his bed and sat down on his bed next to him  
"So? Are you going to tell me?"_

_"Tell you what?" Spencer asked_

_"Why you did it" she elaborated_

_"It was an accident"_

_"No it wasn't, Spencer, I've seen the scars on your arms, I know your depressed, I also know that you're too smart to think that drinking an entire bottle of Vodka, and taking 7 MDMA pills, 2 of them can I point out were double dosage pills, and not expect to fall seriously ill. I was surprised enough when you agreed to go to a party, but now it makes sense, it's because it would be your last. So are you going to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?"_

_Spencer gulped and told her everything that happened to him, with his professor_

_"Have you gone to the police?" she asked_

_"I-I don't want to" Spencer stammered_

_"It's ok, you don't have to if you don't want to, it's your choice, I support you with whatever choice you make."_

_"I don't want it to happen ever again" Spencer whispered  
"I'm scared"_

_"I know, if you don't want to tell anyone then how about I come get you from class so that if he tries to keep you back, I can come in and make some bullshit excuse to get you out"_

_"Y-You would do that?" Spencer questioned_

_"Mhm, but I want you to do something for me"_

_"Y-Yeah?"_

_"Get help, go to a therapist, I see this guy, Dr Marks, he's really good, but you need help. I see how some days you don't even get out of bed, I see how you forget to eat, and it's not healthy, Spencer you need help, and it's ok to get it. I can't make you, but I think you'd benefit from it" She explained, Spencer nodded._

_**End of Flashback:** _

"Throughout my whole PHD she escorted me from class, and it never happened again. When I turned 18 we started dating for 2 years but after that we sort of lost touch, I think she probably saved my life. So yeah, now you know" Spencer looked up at the team, Penelope was sobbing on Dereks shoulder, everyone had tears in their eyes as the looked at Spencer. 

"Spence" JJ said quietly,   
"You kept that a secret for 11 years?" Spencer nodded

"I didn't know how to tell anyone, it's not something I really know how to talk about." Spencer mumbled   
  


"Reid, you were raped-" Hotch began

"Don't say that!" Spencer interrupted  
"I-I don't like that word"

"Sorry, but you were, and that's not fair" Hotch continued

"It doesn't matter now" Spencer mumbled

"Of course it matters!" Derek cut in  
"Spencer, that man hurt you"

"Derek I'm not you, I... I was s-so impressed when you stood up to Carl Buford, but I'm not you, I can't do that" Spencer told him  
"I not as strong as you"

"Spencer you are strong" Derek corrected  
"You went through this all alone, and you made it this far, you fought the urges to self-harm, you fought addiction all alone, you are strong! You're stronger than I give you credit for"

"But I'm not I failed" Spencer pointed to his arm.

"You asked for help, you decided that you didn't want to do this alone anymore"

"No, I did it because if I didn't ask for help I would have killed myself, and I didn't want any of you to come to my apartment on Monday and find my body, because I wouldn't wish that upon anyone" Spencer explained

"Spencer stop trying to deny that you are strong because you are. It's fair that you went through that, It's not fair that you were kidnapped tortured and drugged by Tobias Hankel, it's not fair that you were bullied, it's not fair that your mom has Schizophrenia, it's not fair Gideon left you with a note and it's not fair that your dad decided to walk out on you. But you decided to continue, despite a few bumps in the road, you woke up everyday and decided to keep going. So stop thinking you're weak, because you're not, you're one of the strongest people I've met!"

Spencer just shook his head, he didn't believe Derek, he didn't believe him at all. The whole time he was talking he had been scratching his arm, neither he or the team had noticed until Rossi looked down at the gauze which was almost completely stained with blood.  
"Reid" Rossi whispered as he came closer to Spencer, Spencer look at him strangely, he didn't understand until Rossis eyes diverted to his arm.

"I-I'm sorry" Spencer mumbled as he looked down at his arm.

"It's ok, let's get that cleaned up shall we?" Rossi said as he stood up and went to get the first aid kit. Spencer just sat there staring at nothing.

"Reid, we want you to help us understand, we want to understand what goes on up inside that head of yours" Hotch said softly.

"Not today... Can we stop talking about me, for today?" Spencer asked quietly.

"Sure" Hotch answered, then there was an awkward silence because no one knew what to say, they had all been focusing on Spencer for the past 4 days they didn't have much else to talk about. Until Penelope broke the silence and began to gossip about different agents, around the BAU. While she talked Rossi cleaned up Spencers arm and re-dressed it, he was worried Spencer might need stitches. Once he was done he listened to Penelope babble on, and he poured everyone including Spencer another drink. The young genius downed in then curled up leaning slightly into Emily, she lifted up her arm and let Spencers head rest on her lap, with her hand resting on his back. Due to the alcohol, the general fatigue, the lack of eating and Spencers ability to sleep anywhere and everywhere, Spencer fell asleep very quickly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked if I had wattpad and so I want to share it with all of you, I do have a wattpad account and I have many stories on there, feel free to go check it out. Also this story isn't on my wattpad.  
> WATTPAD: ArrowDelany


	5. 5. The case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencers mental state continues to decline, the team get's a case and have to bring Spencer with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of self harm, mention of accidental starvation, depression, case stuff like violence and drowning, mention of chronic illnesses, mention of mental illnesses.

It had been a week since Spencer moved in with Rossi and he looked worse than ever, his use dark circles around his eyes were darker that usual. His skinny figure was even skinnier, if he did smile it never even looked close to being genuine. In some ways he was ok with revealing the secret he had kept hidden for 10 years, however in other ways he regretted it. He hated the thought that the team knew, the thought of it made him cringe and want to curl up in a ball and die.

_"Rossi it's Hotch"_

"I'm aware what's up?" 

_"We've got a case, and we need everyone working on it"_

"Who's going to look after Spencer, we can't let Penelope, if he did anything she'd blame herself" 

_"I know, I was thinking maybe bringing him with us, it might do him good to get out the house, and focus on something else"_

"I guess so, I'll go talk to him"

_"Meet us on the jet in an hour"_

Rossi hung up and walked into the living room where Spencer seemed to be once again curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket staring at the wall numbly.   
"Reid I'm going to need you to get up, we've got a case"

"A case?" Spencer questioned quietly

"Mhm, I know you don't want to move, but it's important"

"I-I know" Spencer stuttered as he sat up, he closed his eyes and waited for dizziness to pass, then he stood up and went up stairs to get changed into more 'work appropriate' clothes and to pack a go bag. Once he was ready he and Rossi got in the car and drove to the airport.

Rossi and Spencer were the first to arrive at the jet, Rossi sat opposite Spencer and looked at the tired genius.   
"Y'know kid, I would have thought you the insomniac type, not the over sleeper" 

"Usually when I'm ok, I don't sleep enough, but when I'm not I'm just exhausted all the time. That's why I drink so much coffee, it's to keep me awake" Spencer sighed

"How do you feel?" Rossi asked

"Honestly?" Spencer asked, Rossi nodded  
"I'm so exhausted, I'm tired of everything, I just- I just wanna be at peace, and I never feel at peace. I just don't a-and the only way I know how to finale be at peace is to... end it all... The worst part is that I've been through this before, and I made it out the other side, so I should be able to believe that it does get better but I don't and y'know I don't trust myself to be alone, because I know in one bad moment I could kill myself, I know that's dark and harsh but it's true, but I hate staying with you, b-because I'm taking up your time, eating your food, sleeping on your couch, in one of your beds and I know you say it's not a problem, but if I don't believe that myself then as horrible as it sounds your opinion is irrelevant... I'm sorry if that's blunt, but it's honest... I just feel so helpless, because I want help but at the time I don't and it's like this frustrating indecisive mindset, I wanna be better but I also just wanna take the quick way out"

"That's why you have us, we'll help you through this" Rossi told him  
"You can't do this alone kid" 

"But it just makes me feel so guilty, like now, the team have a case and they need you, but you don't feel comfortable leaving me alone, or leaving me with Penelope and so you have to bring me along, now the whole team have to worry about me... A-and as much as I would to promise that I'm not going to do something stupid, sometimes it's like a compulsion and I believe that I have to, even though I know it's wrong, that it not the right way to go about this" 

"Maybe you being here would benefit you" Rossi suggested

"Maybe" Spencer mumbled, he put he rested his head against the window and closed his eyes. 

The team boarded the jet minutes later, Hotch sat next to Rossi, Derek sat next to Spencer and Emily and JJ sat on the couch. Spencer didn't open his eyes, he just pretended to sleep to avoid the stays and unwanted attention. However he listened when Hotch briefed the team on the case. 

"4 men have gone missing in the passed four days and turned up 2 hours later dead, they were drowned. On each victim a part of a poem. Stuck to their chests, the paper was laminated hence why it didn't break apart" Hotch stated,

"There's no cooling off period, that's one victim a day" Rossi stated

"This unsub doesn't keep their victims for long" Derek added  
"How's he abducting them"

"The coroner report said they were knocked unconscious with a bunt object, but during the drowning they were conscious" JJ replied. Rossi looked through the file and looked at the photos of the poems.

"Drowning is not so pitiful, as the attempt to rise" Rossi began as he looked at the first part of the poem  
"Three times, 'tis said, a sinking man. Comes up to face the skies" he read allowed then flicked to the next photo  
"To that abhorred abode, where hope and he part company —" he continued  
"For he is grasped of God. The Maker’s cordial visage"

"Who's the poem by?" Derek asked 

"I don't know, it sounds vaguely familiar" Rossi mused 

"It's Emily Dickinson" Spencer mumbled 

"What?" Rossi asked, Spencer opened his eyes and sat up properly. 

"It's an Emily Dickinson poem, written in 1924, the first line is basically saying to see a man struggling in life is more pitiful than seeing a dead man" Spencer replied   
"It's believed message is saying that it's better to die, than to live in misery." 

The team all shared nervous glances, perhaps bringing Spencer on this case wasn't a good idea.

"So what do you think our unsubs message is?" Emily asked 

"It could be a number of things, but they most likely think that drowning their victims is being kind. What's bizzare is the way they kill them, you could say that drowning is quick, but it's also a horrific way to die, because your body is doing everything to keep you alive, and so you physically can't make the process go quicker, because your brain won't let you breathe and so you feel like your heads about to explode, until finally your body can no longer take the lack of oxygen and so you breathe in"

"What's bizzare about it?" Derek asked

"There are kinder ways to kill someone. If our unsub was trying to be kind wouldn't it be kinder if they killed them painlessly, like a bullet through the head or like euthanasia, when they usually give someone a high drug dosage, making the person unable to feel anything as they die. I just think that even though it takes an average of 60 seconds to kill an adult, it's still a torturous 60 seconds, and that not even considering if the victim is conscious when they're submerges, these men probably fought back, they were probably able to come up for a second or two giving them a chance to breathe before they were submerged again which prolonged the process, I mean these victims could have been fighting with our unsub for quite sometime before they died." Spencer explained 

The team looked through the photos, placed on the lower abdomen of the victims, flowers had been laid neatly.

"What are the flowers on the victims?" Hotch asked 

"They're Purple Hyacinth, it's commonly believed that the purple hyacinths mean sorrow, forgiveness and regret. Everything about how the body's are placed suggests remorse" Spencer replied  
"Also our unsub might be a woman" 

"I agree, there is a lot suggesting this is woman" Hotch responded

"But it's not easy to drown someone, and a woman being able to successfully abduct and drown 4 men, would be difficult" Derek argued

At that point Spencer, dissociated from the conversation and just stared at the table, when Derek pointed out how difficult it was to drown someone, he expected Spencer to reply with a fact, and when Spencer didn't everyones attention was immediately on him.

"Reid?" Derek asked, Spencer didn't reply, in fact he didn't even acknowledge Derek. 

"Morgan" Hotch said looking at Derek, Derek looked up at his boss, and Hotch just shook his head  
"Let him be" 

Spencer dissociated for almost the entire journey, for the first hour the team were fine with it but as the hours went by and Spencer continued to just stare at the table it began to get worrying. Finally Derek was able to snap Spencer out of his dissociative state two hours before the jet landed. 

Spencer and Hotch drove to the police station while Rossi and Emily went to the dumpsites, and JJ and Derek went to talk to the families. When Spencer and Hotch arrived at the station, the police officers shared strange looks as the saw the thin, tired, almost dead looking young doctor. Spencer kept his head down until he and Hotch got into the conference room. 

"You ok Reid?" Hotch asked Spencer didn't reply he just walked straight to the map, and began to study it ignoring the dizziness that he was beginning feel. He stayed there studying the map, marking down the dumpsites, and the abduction sights for an hour, he couldn't focus properly, his mind kept drifting. As the time went by Spencer began to feel more and more unwell, it wasn't exactly surprising, Spencer hadn't eaten for 3 days because he never felt hungry. He had also been standing in the same spot for over an hour, and he was extremely dehydrated. 

"Reid, you got anything?" Derek asked as he, JJ, Rossi, and Emily came into the conference room. Spencer shook his head and continued to stare at the map.

"I'm gonna get a coffee, does anyone want anything?" Emily asked

"C-could you get me some water?" Reid asked. Derek looked over at the kid, sensing something was wrong he walked towards him, as Reid felt his legs buckle. Derek grabbed him and held him steady. 

"Woah. Kid are you ok?" he asked 

"Y-Yeah" Spencer stammered   
"S-Sorry"

"It's ok kid, sit down" Derek said, as he pulled out a chair for Spencer. The genius sat down and took deep breaths. 

"Spencer, you need to start eating and drinking enough, I know you're not hungry but I shouldn't need to tell you that humans need food and water to survive" Rossi told him

"I know... I'm sorry" Spencer whispered looking down at his hands.

"How about you go get some air with Morgan?" Hotch suggested, when he gave Spencer a bottle of water, Spencer nodded and followed Derek out the station. They decided to go for a drive and talk about the case, to try and keep Spencers mind off his thoughts. 

"All our victims were ill either mentally or physically, Simon Carter had depression and was struggling with an eating disorder, Richard Howards was suffering from kidney failure, Max Brown had bipolar, and at the time of his abduction was going through a depressive episode, and Finn Davis had cancer"

"How is our unsub finding these victims?" Spencer asked 

"My guess was that's she was a doctor but when we got Garcia to check there medical history, they didn't even go to the same hospitals, so there's no link there"

"Did you ask the families how the victims looked before the abductions?" Spencer asked

"What?" 

"Well perhaps she's choosing her victims via appearance, our health physical and mental states are often projected via our physical appearance. Our unsub could be purely choosing her victims by if they look well or not" Spencer explained 

"Even if that is the case, it doesn't help us find our unsub"

"Just break the profile down. It's a woman, she's most likely had to watch a male figure suffer from some kind of illness, my guess is a husband or a brother-" 

"Reid hold on let me call Garcia to see if she can help us out" Derek interrupted him, dialling Garcia's number.

_"Hey chocolate thunder what can I do for you?"_

"Hey Babygirl, Reid is going to give you the profile, and we need you to work your magic"

_"Go ahead boy genius"_

"She's likely to be in her mid 40s, she most likely lost a husband due to an illness, probably recently, so look as far as last week" 

_"Ok, I've got 3 women who lost their husbands in the last week, Regina Smith's Husband died suddenly due to a sudden haemorrhage in his head, Lois Wilson lost her husband to cancer he had been battling it for a year, and Angie Johnson oh this isn't very nice, she lost her husband to motor neurone disease"_

"Angie Johnson is most likely our unsub, when someone is diagnosed with motor neurone disease they don't tend to live for longer than 10 years, and I'm sure watching them rapidly lose their motor skills is horrific, in the end, people with motor neurone disease lose the ability to breathe, and that's how they die"

"Watching your husband progressively get worse could easily be a trigger" Derek added

"Garcia could you check Angies recent purchases" Spencer asked

_"Of course, hold on... She's made a lot of purchases at Rosie's florists and she made a purchase at a book store 5 days ago, she hasn't made any other purchases, I don't even think she's buried her husband"_

"If that's the case I doubt she was bringing those flowers to his grave. She's our unsub" Derek stated  
"Penelope call the team, me and Reid are going to check out this florists"

_"You got it, PG out"_

Derek and Spencer drove to the flower shop and spoke to the owner (Rosie)

"Good afternoon ma'am, I'm agent Morgan this is Dr Reid, we're from the FBI, could we ask you some questions?" Derek asked 

"Yes of course, how may I help you?" Rosie replied 

"Do you recognise this woman?" Derek asked, showing Rosie a photo that Garcia had sent him

"Yes she comes in here everyday" Rosie told him

"What does she buy?" Spencer asked 

"Purple hyacinths" Rosie answered, Spencer and Derek shared a look, it was clear Angie was their unsub. 

"Thank you ma'am" Derek nodded to her and both agents left the shop. They stopped in the street so that Derek could call Hotch. 

"Hotch Angie Johnson's our unsub, she goes to this florists everyday and buys the same flowers" Derek told him

_"Let me guess, purple hyacinths?"_

"Yep, me and Reid are-" Derek was cut off by a bat smacking into the back of his head knocking him out, Spencer turned to the unsub when he was met by her bat and was knocked out instantly...

_\_


	6. 6. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when Spencer gets abducted what will happen?

When Derek woke up, Spencer was gone and the SUVs were pulling up next to him. He sat up holding the back of his head. It took him a moment or two to work out what had happened. 

"Morgan can you hear me?" Hotch asked as he knelt down next to Derek. Derek nodded  
"What happened?" 

"I don't know... I was with Reid, and on the phone with you, then I was... Where's Reid?" Derek asked 

"My guess is that he was taken" Hotch explained 

"How long was I out for?" 

"You went silent over the phone and it took us 5 minutes to come get to you, so 5 minutes" Hotch guessed

"She can't have gotten far, we need to find her now" Derek said as he stood up

"Why would she take Reid?" JJ asked 

"Spencer told me, that she might be picking her victims purely on how sick they look, and if that's true the let's be honest Reid hasn't been looking too hot recently" Derek replied 

"Morgan are you sure you're ok to be in the field? Maybe you should go get check out at the hospital" Hotch suggested 

"I'm fine, I'm not going anywhere until we get the kid back"

"Ok, then let's get to work" Hotch said finally as he and the rest of the team got into the cars and began driving. 

"Where would she take him?" JJ asked

"Well I'm guessing somewhere close by, she probably knew that I wouldn't be out for long, so she would want to get rid of him quickly" Rossi replied, as he pulled out his phone. 

_"Office of supreme genius how may I help you"_

"Garcia we need you to find the nearest water source, doesn't matter what it is, it could be a pond, river, lake, etc... But it'll probably need to be somewhat secluded"

_"Ok, I'm searching now, who's our latest victim"_

"It's Reid" 

_"What?! What do you mean, Reid's our latest victim?!"_

"He was with Morgan, and the unsub knocked Morgan out and took Reid"

_"Is Derek ok?!"_

"He's fine, it's Reid we need to worry about"

_"Right, ok. Well there's a pond 5 minutes from your current location, I've sent you the directions, go get him and bring him back. Alive!"_

"We will thanks Garcia" 

The line disconnected and everyone raced to the pond. 

Meanwhile... 

Spencer woke up as Angie was pulling him down into the pond. He struggled out of her grip and tried to run up the edge of the pond, but she grabbed his collar and pulled him back down. 

"Angie you don't have to do this" Spencer told her  
"I know what happened to your husband, and I'm sorry" 

"In the end he just wanted to die, he was in pain like you are, and I know you're just too scared to admit it" 

Suddenly the sound of sirens echoed in the distance, Angie pulled Spencer body aggressively, then shoved his head under the water. He barely got a chance to take a breath before his head was dunked. He struggled under her, feeling himself get weaker and weaker. 

When the team arrived they saw Angie drowning Reid, he was thrashing about desperately trying to come up for air.   
"Angie Johnson, FBI put your hands in the air and let him go!" Derek shouted as he pointed his gun at her 

"No! No! I'm saving him, I'm helping him" She explained, while she was talking her grip on Spencer loosened and he was able to come up for air.

"Angie" Spencer gasped   
"Angie... You're right... I am in pain... b-but it's not th-the same as your husband... I'm not the same" 

"Yes you are! I've seen you, I watched you, from the moment you arrived!" 

"Angie... Your husband had a... neurological disease... Un-unfortunately h-he was-wasn't going to live l-long, a-and I-I'm s-sorry... I-I c-can't i-imagine what that was like but I can live a-a long l-life, and I will be fine, I-I'm not sick like he was" Spencer panted

"I've seen your arms, I know you just want it to end!" She shouted

"But not... not like this" 

Before he could react, Angie pushed him back under, Hotch aimed his gun and fired at her killing her instantly. She fell into the water and on top of Spencer, at this point he was too weak, and too tried to push her off. 

Derek jumped into the pond, grabbed Spencer and pulled him out the water and onto the land. JJ checked his pulse and tried to hear his breathing but she couldn't hear anything.   
"He's not breathing!" She shouted. Derek knelt down along side him and began doing CPR. 

"Come on kid!" He shouted   
"Don't give up on me!"   
"I know you want to but"   
"Please" Derek hit Spencers chest hard  
"Don't" He hit it again  
"Leave" and again  
"Me!" and again

Spencer gasped for air, the rolled to the side throwing up the water he inhaled. Derek exhaled and leaned back in relief. When Spencer had coughed up all he could, Hotch pulled him into the sitting position, and Spencer tiredly leaned on him.   
"Reid are you ok?" He asked 

"Yeah... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to cause you problems" Spencer mumbled

"Reid, you helped us solve the case, you tried to talk down the unsub, and you getting kidnapped in the first place wasn't your fault you have no reason to be sorry" Hotch told him. 

"Can... we... go... home now?" Reid asked 

"Yeah, after you and Morgan get checked out" 

"I don't want to go to the hospital" Spencer argued 

"Reid, you have to, we'll cover up your arms if that's what you're worried about, it's just to make sure you're ok" 

"I have... bad memories of hospitals... nothing good ever happens there... th-they make me think of what happened after the T-Tobias Hankel c-case"

"I know and I'm sorry, but you won't be there long, a couple hours tops... Please just put my mind to rest and let them help you" 

"O-Ok"

The ambulance arrived a couple of minutes later and took both Spencer and Derek to the hospital. Both agents had concussion due to getting hit in the head. They checked to see if Spencer had any water in his lungs, he didn't. Then they put him on an IV drip to rehydrate Spencer. After that they discharged him. That night Spencer shared a room with Derek, but due to his constant fatigue and guilt for getting Derek knocked out, the second Spencer got into the room, he lay down on the bed and fell asleep. 

The next morning everyone boarded the jet, Spencer didn't speak or even look in the team direction, he quite literally kept his head down. He felt very guilty for making them worry about him, he knew it wasn't a rational way of thinking, he couldn't stop becoming one of Angie Johnsons victim but he couldn't help but feel like all the team was doing was worrying about him constantly. 

When they when the Jet was properly in the air, Spencer curled up and fell asleep, while the rest of the team sat together. They all kept glancing at Spencer, worry overwhelmed them.  
"Y'know I don't think he's said anything since the hospital" Derek stated 

"Why?" Emily asked

"I don't know" Derek sighed   
"Do you know what really fucking sucks to think about?" 

"What?" Hotch asked 

"Despite the fact that he hadn't eaten or drunk anything in days, despite the fact that he was tired and despite the fact that he is so depressed that he is suicidal, he still managed to solve this case, of course with the help of Garcia, but he still managed to do it and it makes me wonder... How many times has the kid come into work wanting to die and still been able to help solve the case? How did we not realise? I mean are we really that bad at profiling him, that we didn't realise?

"Morgan we did realise, we all were aware of when Spencer was having a bad day, or week, or month, we just didn't realise the true extent of his problems" Hotch explained 

"But how did we not realise the white scars on his arms? How did we not realise how uncomfortable he was when we worked a case that had self harm or suicide involved?" Derek replied 

"Because he didn't want us to know" Rossi told him.   
"He might not have been able to hide everything from us, but he was able hide enough of it to stop us from worrying"

"But why wouldn't he tell us, I mean the kid's like a brother to me" 

"Look at it from his perspective" Rossi began  
"He's the youngest on the team so we all see him as the kid of the team, he's much more skilled when it comes to his brain than he is when it comes to physical, he's been kidnapped in the past, he's had a past with drugs and we worry about that, he's also got a mom with schizophrenia and he's terrified that he'll develop it, with the amount that has happened in the kids life, he didn't tell us because he didn't want us to worry, he didn't want us to think he couldn't handle it, and he didn't want to be babied... I can guarantee you, the reason he's not talking right now is because he thinks that getting kidnapped was him being an inconvenience for us. And what you have to think about Derek is that he did tell us, it might have taken him a few years but he did tell us, and that's what is important. He could have struggled through what he's going through right now alone, he could have decided to end it all with out us even being aware that he had a problem but he didn't, he called Hotch because deep down he knew he couldn't handle it alone, and he knew he couldn't keep these secrets from us any longer" 

"I just feel like I fail him, as a friend, as big brother I failed him" Derek stated sadly

"You didn't" Spencer mumbled sitting up, everyone turned round and looked at him  
"None of you did... You've all been there for me more than I think you know" Spencers eyes glassed over   
"You all remind me that I'm not alone, even though sometimes I feel like I am" A tear rolled down Spencer cheek.  
"I don't want to feel like this, and I don't want any of you to feel like you've failed me as friends and family because you haven't. You guys have saved my life more time than you know." Spencers voice broke and tears flooded down his cheeks. He subconsciously began scratching the back of his hand, and when Derek noticed, he gently pulled Spencers hands apart then embraced him. Spencer buried his head in Dereks shoulder and sobbed quietly. 

"You're never going to be alone kid" Derek whispered   
"You're always going to have me"

When the jet landed Rossi invited everyone round for dinner, he hoped with the team around Spencer would eat something, what he didn't know or realise was that there was a weather warning. When everyone was planning to leave they realised that there was a snow storm outside, and the streets and roads were covered in snow. 

"Well I guess you're all stuck here" Rossi sighed  
"Luckily this mansion has a room for all of you"

At with that everyone went to bed...


	7. 7. true friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everyone get's snowed in they find it a good time to properly help Spencer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to ruin what happens in this chapter or anything, but there is a strange, kinda cute, kinda funny scene with Spencer and Emily, this isn't going to turn into a Spemily or pried (If that's a thing) fic, but I just thought it was a good friendship moment to add in. And I lowkey can imagine it.

It was 2am, and Spencer couldn't sleep, he crept out his room, with a bottle of cheek scotch that he had bought on the journey home and sat on Rossis couch looking out the window. Emily also couldn't sleep properly, and when she heard Spencer creep out of his room, she got worried and followed him, when she found him her anxiety calmed down and she relaxed. 

"So this is why you're so tired during the day" she chuckled as she walked over to spencer and sat next to him. 

"Yeah I guess I've kind of ruined my body clock" Spencer replied

"You look like a kid on Christmas" Emily mentioned  
"Do you like the snow?" 

"Yeah I guess growing up in Vegas we didn't get much snow, y'know cos it's a desert and all, snow always kind of fascinated me"

"And you're drinking scotch, it's not Rossi's is it?" 

"No, I brought it at the airport before we got on the jet, everyone thought I went to the toilet" Spencer told her

"Naughty boy" Emily laughed  
"So what's your plan? sit here, watch the snow, and get drunk?"

"Yeah I kind of hoped it would help me sleep"

"Good thinking, mind if we share?" Emily asked 

"Not at all, go ahead. It's more dignifying getting drunk with someone rather than getting drunk alone"

"Exactly" Emily said, unscrewing the cap of the bottle and taking a large swig then passing the bottle to Spencer.  
"So why can't you sleep?" 

"I don't know, I'm exhausted but I just can't sleep" Spencer sighed

"You got something on your mind?" 

"When do I not have something on my mind" Spencer chuckled taking another swig of scotch

"Do you have something specific on your mind?" She asked 

"I don't know, not really anything specific, I guess I'm just tired of feeling like this. I know I can get better but I don't know if I have the energy to do it, I know that sounds lazy-"

"Not at all, it's completely justifiable that you don't have the energy, but just know that we'll be by your side the whole time to give you cliché, corny inspirational speeches" Emily assured him, Spencer chuckled 

"Can't wait" he mumbled, Emily laughed and took the bottle out of his hands and took a sip of the golden brown liquid. 

The two friends shared the bottle of scotch and when the bottle was finished they were both drunk, and Emily saw a small smile on Spencers face that looked somewhat genuine. 

"Why are you staring at me?" Spencer asked, turning to face Emily'

"No reason, I've just never seen you drunk" She slurred

"I'm not drunk you're drunk" Spencer replied 

"You're such a child" 

"No I'm not you are" Spencer retorted, in her drunken state Emily leaned in and kissed Spencer, in his drunken state he kissed her back, after a minute of two they pulled away both of them completely confused about what just happened.   
"That was odd" 

"Yeah" Emily said, the two stared at each other for a minute then burst out laughing  
"Come here Spencer" Emily held out her arms and Spencer snuggled into her  
"Night Spencer"

"Night Emily" Spencer mumbled 

The next morning when Rossi woke up, he instinctively went into Reids room to check on him, and when he saw Spencer was not in bed, he panicked.   
"Reid?" Rossi called out, rushing into the bathroom but it was empty. His calls woke the rest of the team up and they all hurried out their bedrooms and into the hall. 

"Rossi what's going on?" Hotch asked

"Reid's not in his room" Rossi informed him

"have you checked downstairs?" Derek asked

"No I was just about to" Rossi replied

"Let's go" 

They all raced downstairs and split up, to search the house. Hotch checked the lounge and immediately saw Emily and Spencer curled up on the couch together, Hotch exhaled in relief, walked out the room and closed the door.  
"Guys I found him" he called out

"Where is he?" Garcia asked running up to her boss

"He's in there" Hotch replied with a smile on his face

"Why are you smiling like that?" Derek asked

"You'll see" Hotch stated as he opened the door. Everyone peered in and saw their two sleeping friends.

"Aww that's so cute!" Penelope squeaked

"Is that a bottle of scotch on the table?" Derek asked 

"Mhm, it's not mine though, that's cheap scotch" Rossi responded

"It's probably Emily's, so what's our theories? The two of them came down got drunk and fell asleep?" JJ mused 

"Do you think they did anything... intimate?" Penelope asked timidly

"I don't think so, they're fully clothed" Hotch pointed out

"You realise you can do things with your clothes on" Penelope giggled 

"I don't think either of them would especially with each other" Hotch replied, suddenly Emily stirred opened her eyes and looked over at the team. 

"Why are you staring?" She asked groggily 

"Why are you snuggled up with Reid?" Morgan asked quietly

"I- I don't remember completely but he was sitting down here alone, looking at the snow and I didn't want him to be lonely so I joined him and then we got drunk and... fell asleep I think" Emily replied, then Spencer stirred and his eyes slowly opened, but instead of acknowledging the team or Emily, he stared at the floor then slowly his eyes moved up and he realised the team were standing in the door way. 

"Morning" Hotch smiled

"Morning" Spencer whispered  
"Is it still snowing?" He asked as he sat up and looked round and out the window, it was. He rested his chin on the back of the couch and watched the snow. Penelope sat next to him and mirrored how he was sitting.

"We could go out in the snow later and have a snow ball fight" She suggested

"I wouldn't be very good at that" Spencer sighed  
"My coordination isn't great, but we could make a snow man, I've never made a snow man" 

"You've never made a snow man?!" Derek exclaimed, as he, Hotch, and JJ went to sit on the couch opposite and Rossi settled in one of the arm chairs. 

"I don't really get a chance to go in the snow, we're usually working, or I'm stuck inside, I don't exactly have a garden" Spencer mentioned

"When it's not snowing so hard let's make a snow man" Penelope decided  
"In fact we should make the whole team as snow men" 

"Ok" Spencer whispered

Spencers hangover ended up being worse than he expected. He still hadn't eaten much and his body wasn't reacting well to the high alcohol consumption, what's more was he was beginning to feel the side affects of being exposed to freezing cold pond water for a large amount of time. However in great Spencer Reid fashion he decided to keep it quiet, everyone always worried about him too much already. That's what he thought anyway...


	8. 8. Snowed in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all, the team are snowed in, and Spencer is unwell

"Come on! Come on! Can we please go outside!" Penelope squeaked when it stopped snowing. She ran up to Spencer grabbed his hand, and pulled him up stairs. She then went through his bags, found several jumpers and threw them at him.  
"Put those on, so that you don't get sick" 

"Ok" Spencer mumbled then he pulled on the jumpers, a hat and some gloves then followed Penelope outside.   
"How do you make a snowman?" 

"Right ok, so gather the snow and soon it will make a mound and then you just build on top of it, or you could make it into a traditional snowman and roll the snow into a ball" Penelope explained 

"We should make a huge snow man version of Hotch" Emily suggested

"Do you think he'll let us borrow his tie?" JJ asked 

"We could just steal it" Emily replied 

"I heard that, but yes you can borrow my tie" Hotch called from the kitchen. Then for the next 30 minutes the _younger_ members of the team made a 6 foot snowman 

"I don't understand, carrots look nothing like human noses" Spencer pointed out

"Yeah but Spencer humans also aren't made out of snow, and our bodies aren't 2 round balls, even though all of us have two round balls" Emily joked 

"I don't get it" Spencer retorted  
"I have a feeling that was meant to be crude but I don't understand because women don't have testicles"

"Ugh Spencer why do you have to use that word?!" Penelope cringed 

"Because it's the scientific term, and this doesn't answer my question" Spencer furrowed his brow at his team in confusion

"Women have tits Spencer, it could be argued that those are 2 rounds balls" Emily explained 

"I would argue breasts are hemi-spheres" Spencer replied, Emily rolled her eyes, and Derek chuckled patting Spencer on the back.

"I'm going to ignore the last conversation we just had" Penelope began before turning to Spencer  
"Boy genius because this is your first snowman you have the honour on putting the carrot on his face" she held out the carrot and handed it to Spencer who took awhile observing the snowman's face before finally sticking the carrot into the face. 

"Oh my god!" Emily sighed   
"Finally, Spencer it shouldn't take you that long" 

"I was making sure I was putting it perfectly in the centre. If I did it wrong I would have ruined that snowman's life" Spencer told her

"Reid it's made out of snow" Derek pointed out 

"No I agree with 187, have you guys ever seen the snowman?" Penelope asked 

"That's an animated movie" JJ sighed

Penelope scoffed and rolled her eyes "I've lost respect for all of you apart from Spencer" 

"Thank you Garcia, my hands are cold, so I'm gonna go inside and admire snowman Hotch from a far" Spencer turned towards to the door, he noticed his friends sad faces as he walked away in the window reflexion and so he stopped picked up a ball of snow and threw it at Derek hitting him in the face. Emily fell on the floor screaming and laughing. JJ and Penelope covered there mouths giggling and Derek just stood there in shock. 

"Oh kid you are screwed" Derek shouted leaning down and throwing a snow ball at Spencer. Suddenly all hell broke loose and everyone began throwing snowballs at each other. Spencer spent most of his time running around screaming while Derek chased him.  
"Kid you can't run from me forever"

"Yes I can, it worked in high school" Spencer shouted 

"If it worked in high school you wouldn't have got beaten up" 

"It's not fair I was 12 and I was 5 foot 4" Spencer retorted, Derek caught up with Spencer and rugby tackled him to the floor  
"Now I'm even more cold" 

"You started this war" Derek pointed out

"Can we go back indoors? I don't feel good" 

"I don't know if I can trust you, you're like the boy who cried wolf" Derek replied

"Derek you're a profiler, you should be able to tell when I'm lying" Spencer sighed, Derek nodded and helped Spencer to his feet, then took him inside.  
"Get into something warm kid then eat something" 

Spencer nodded and went up to his room to change. He put on his brown hoodie and a pair of sweatpants then got in bed and fell asleep.  
"Reid what are you doing in he-" Derek asked, cutting himself off when he noticed the young genius fast asleep in the bed. He approached Spencer quietly feeling a wave of sadness wash over him. Spencer was his best-friend, his little brother and even though today he saw Spencer smile and laugh for the first time in a while Spencer still didn't look like himself. He still looked thinner than usual, his pale complexion resembled that of a dead person. Derek noticed Spencers bandages sticking out from his hoodie sleeve, which just reminded him of how unhappy Spencer was. But what upset Derek the most was until recently he didn't really know Spencer at all and that broke his heart.

"P-Please s-stop" Spencer began to mumble  
"I-I d-don't w-w-want it, p-please s-" 

Derek quickly realised Spencer was having a nightmare, his breathing had picked up and his body began to twitch. Derek nudged Spencer to wake him up, but Spencer seemed to be in a deeper sleep than Derek initially thought.   
"Reid wake up!" Derek practically shouted. Spencers eyes shot open, and for a moment he wasn't sure where he was.  
"Kid! You're ok, I'm here. You had a nightmare" 

"Right, I-I know th-thanks" Reid stuttered, his eyes fluttered slightly as if he was in delirious state which all the signs were pointing to. Derek put his hand on Spencer forehead to check his theory. 

"Kid you're burning up" Derek exclaimed  
"Hold on" Derek disappeared out the room and downstairs.   
"Rossi do you have a thermometer?" 

"Yeah why?" Rossi asked 

"Reid has a fever, which is probably because yesterday he was drowned in a freezing pond" Derek explained

"Oh that poor boy" Penelope said sadly, Rossi disappeared off for a couple of minutes only to return again with a brand new thermometer. He handed it to Derek who went back up stairs to Spencer. Although he had been looking awful for a while now, he seemed to be looking worse which Derek wasn't even sure was possible at this point.

"Open wide pretty boy" Derek patronised, Spencer was too tired, and ill to protest and so he opened his mouth and let Derek plop the thermometer in there. After waiting 30 seconds or so the thermometer beeped  
"Oh god Reid" Derek mumbled as he read Spencer temperature

"What does it say?" Spencer asked weakly. 

"104°F" 

"Hyperpyrexia" Spencer muttered under his breath.

"I'll be back" Derek ran out the room again and back into the kitchen. 

"How high is his temperature?" Hotch asked 

"104" Derek replied looking through Rossi's fridge for a bottle of cold water

"That's almost dangerously high" JJ mentioned 

"I know, I'm trying to lower it" 

"But he was ok early" Penelope squeaked 

"He was pretending to be ok to make us happy" Emily responded 

"B-But he smiled, a-and laughed a-and-" she attempted to justify but she failed and realised that every positive emotion that Spencer conveyed was all to make everyone happy and not worry about him. 

"I'll get some acetaminophen" Rossi stated as Derek went back up to Spencer. 

"How you feeling pretty boy?"

"I have a head ache, and I'm hot and cold, and tired but I can't sleep, and I feel sick but not like I'm going to be sick, well I might I'm not sure yet... You know this bedroom is like the size of my entire apartment?" Spencer stated deliriously

"Kid I'mma need you to drink this ok?" Derek held out the bottle of water to Spencer

"Why?" 

"Why?! Cos you got a fever that's why, you need to stay hydrated, so drink" Derek waited for Spencer to take the water but he didn't take it, he just stared at Derek creating a strange silence between the two. 

"I think I'm confused" Spencer mumbled 

"Yeah no shit Sherlock now drink!" Derek put the bottle in Spencers hand and watched as the genius drunk the entire bottle of water.  
"Well done, I'm gonna go fill this up" 

"But I drunk it" Spencer complained 

"And I need you to drink more" 

"When did you become so bossy?" Spencer asked 

"When did you become so sassy?" Derek questioned 

"Shut up" 

"Kid I got you some antibiotics" Rossi stated walking into the bedroom. 

"When did your house become the ER?" Spencer asked 

"We got snowed in and my house is now filled with crazy people" Rossi replied handing Spencer two pills. 

"Why are you drugging me?" Spencer asked 

"Kid I'm not drugging you, I'm helping you, now take them" Rossi commanded sternly, Spencer swallowed the pills dry then threw the duvet over his head and fell asleep. The two men chuckled then went down stairs. 

"How is he?" JJ asked 

"Very delirious it's quite enjoyable to watch, right now he's hiding under the duvet, and I think he fell asleep" Derek replied 

"It's the closest I think I've come to have seen him extremely drunk and he hasn't even drunk anything today" Rossi chuckled 

"He's probably still drunk from last night" Emily laughed 

"What happened last night?" Penelope asked 

"You already asked that" Emily pointed out

"Yeah but you didn't really explain much"

"I don't know, he was watching the snow and I went to join him. He told me how he was exhausted but he couldn't sleep and he brought the scotch hoping that it would knock him out. Then we shared it because I mean it's alcohol and I'm not going to let Spencer get drunk alone. We talked, like we had some deep chats and then we k- we hugged it out and fell asleep" 

"Did he say anything worrying?" Hotch inquired 

"Not really, he said he was aware that he could get better but part of him is too tired to try. But he will. I mean I get it" Emily replied 

"I just want him to be happy" Penelope said sadly

"So does he. He'll get there. To be honest I know him going out today was him trying to make us happy but the fact he found the energy to do that is a good sign" Emily assured her. 

"I'm going to go sit with him" Penelope stated before going upstairs...


End file.
